Uma carta de 17/12/2025

Dear, Rubia..

For who I could write better, if not for myself.

This year was a mix, sometimes I did not even think about the end of it. Remember in the beginning of the year when you got sad, because maybe happened the gluten intolerance because of too much hormones, but nobody could explain you. Remember when you thought the worst thing would be not eat your favorite cake or drink beer without almost dying of vomit? But still you smiled, of course, it was the minimum. You smiled more when in the middle of the year you left that toxic job that was consuming you.

And when you received the news that after so many years trying and some frustrations you were pregnant? When the nurse called and told you and you did not even had a reaction, because there was so many no’s, so many medicines, so many things, and now there was the yes. A pity that the yes already came with so many complications, when Raquel started to have bleedings, when after few days they thought you already lost him. But the relief to hear, “it is just a scare, he is fine, he is growing, look how perfect he is”, and with that you got attached.

Until you heard, “he is very small, we need to do one more ultrasound because I cannot see the hands here, but stay calm, this is normal”. No dear Rubia, it was not normal. Your world was falling and falling and you there holding, not only for you. But because that moment needed.

Remember three years ago you wrote a letter, but it will only be delivered in 2028, and you just wanted to remember what you wrote, after all it was the beginning of this journey of being a mother. Maybe you will do the same with this email, I put to send to you when you turn 40 years old. Maybe you already know how to read in English without need a translator, but do not judge, because it is helping you to write this now.

For you to remember that today it is hurting, today one half of you is dead, but I do not want to make you sad, I want you to remember with tenderness. And maybe read in better conditions than you write. Do not worry, we will be fine. And our Gustavo will not leave our head.

One day we meet.

Take care.

Rubia Emanoela Castro de Freitas.